a journal without a moral

I'm probably going to do a pretty drastic friends cut. It's just a weird time in my life, so I feel much more vulnerable that I normally do, and I find myself not posting here because of that vulnerability or...well I don't know why, really. It's not like anyone specific is leading me to feel like I can't share. But I've never been a filter person -- it just feels weirdly dishonest (and also, just a hassle!) and some gut feeling is leading me to believe I need to keep this place a little more cozy right now. Not sure when I'll do it, but sometime in the coming days. I hope there are no hard feelings.

note: i'm posting my birth story in two sections because it's mammoth, thanks to my well-known compulsion to record every tiny detail. also i'm trying to finish a few pieces of the second half today but wren is being a nursing fiend and i have not yet figured out the trick to nak, so i thought i'd go ahead and post at least the first installment. this will also make it easier to skip all the 'pre-game' talk for those of you who are just interested in the more active birth part.



when the birds are sleeping
that's when the trees sing
you left your winter clothes,
and your teeth marks in my skin

so shake the leaves, off the trees,
watch them float down the stream
your son, your daughter
swimming in the water

( little did i know this would be my last belly shot and that, exactly a week later, i would be in a birth tub trying to push my baby out. )